Last night I was intently thinking about my 'thirty days' decision. I love the idea of what I'm doing, if not for any other reason than it's entertainment for myself... I don't do much in my life that's different. I seem to have less and less exciting stories as the months and years go by and by doing this I somehow feel as though I'm doing something. I can see how this is a laughable thing to say, I'm not stupid. At the end of the day though I suppose what's most important in my life is how I feel, right?
So back on track.. what I had been thinking about last night was how small a task this will seem to many people.
I can hear it now...
Ooo 30 days without a drop of alcohol, don't hurt yourself while contributing so largely to humanity honey.
I doubt so much of what I do. I try and witness all of my own actions from various point of views, and through many different minds. It's so important to me to be self aware, but often times I struggle to find that happy medium between being the self aware person I aim for, and just being plain self-loathsome.
God I'm crapping on.
This is what happens....
Last night my boyfriend bought a new kind of vodka. My God it smelled so sweet, so delicious, so tempting...
He asked me if I wanted just a little sip to taste it. At first I thought why not? It couldn't hurt. But after thirty seconds of fast and furious deliberation inside of my mind I decided against it. One little taste would send me over the edge and I knew there would have been no turning back. I would have woken up this morning in desperate need of panadol and a cold wet flannel on my forehead.
Normally I crave so easily and readily for a drink.
Quite possibly sadly, I don't think I've ever been this strong willed in my life!
Good mental exercise?
I don't know.
Time to think about dinner.
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